I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You ruined the universe
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
