So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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