Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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