She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
