Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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