I wish life had little blips of pornography
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't deserve a penis
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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