woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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