How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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