I didn't shave. On purpose
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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