I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
