you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
