I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
