just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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