I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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