she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
