Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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