I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
