i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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