he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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