So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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