Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
