Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
