I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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