Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
