All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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