there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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