Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
