I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
