I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
