I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize