I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
