hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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