Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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