Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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