I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
