Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
