I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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