took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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