it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We have started to decorate penises.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
