I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize