I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
