Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
