We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
