She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
