im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
