Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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