can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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