Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
