I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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