You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
