I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
