we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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