You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
