But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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