I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
