I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
