could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
