OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
