Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
