i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
