i permit you to call me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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