You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
