I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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