Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
