she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
