What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
