I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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