Screwed.edu
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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