Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
