Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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