I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
