"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
