My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize