sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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