So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
