for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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