i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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