i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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