I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
