You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
