Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
