I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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