And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize