And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
