lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Someone shattered a urinal.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
