Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize