Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
