The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
