My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
