i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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