hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize