I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
