i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
