Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
