Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
