dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
