this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize