You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
