I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize